For many reasons, The Big Lebowski is one of my favorite movies of all time. After many viewings, I know the movie basically verbatim (because I'm a lawyer, I'm required to use Latin instead of just saying "word-for-word" or "by heart"). So, I suppose it's not surprising that I often find myself quoting the movie during everyday conversation. What is surprising, though, is just how often I find myself wanting to use quotes from The Big Lebowski in my work as a lawyer: from trying to settle cases, to talking with clients, to negotiating discovery disputes with opposing counsel, to brainstorming with co-counsel.

But, on further reflection, the movie is filled with high-drama characters, multiple conflicts, arguments about money, a stoner, a money-grubbing hussy, a pompous rich guy, a severed toe, a lot of caucasians, and some nihilists, so it seems natural that situations in my life as a lawyer would be amenable to Lebowski allusions.

Here is a list of those quotes from The Big Lebowski that I either a) have used or b) aspire to use in my advocacy before I retire. I will leave it to you, the reader, to guess which ones I've already used and encourage you to use them, as well.

This aggression will not stand.
Where's the fucking money, shithead?!?
I'm throwing rocks tonight.
We all know who is at fault here. What the fuck are you talking about?
We're talking about unchecked aggression.
I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand.
They peed on your fucking rug.
Are you employed, sir?
The Dude minds. This will not stand, man. This aggression will not stand.
I cannot solve your problems, sir. Only you can.
If you will it, it is no dream.
Over the line!
Mark it zero.
Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.
Smokey, my friend, you're entering a world of pain.
Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?!?
You're not wrong. You're just an asshole.
Just take it easy, man.
Calmer than you are.
Strong men also cry.
Life does not start and stop at your convenience you miserable piece of shit.
Those rich fucks.
Are you ready to be fucked, man?
Yeah, well, that's just like you're opinion, man.
Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
Her life is in your hands, Dude.
"We?" What the fuck "we"?
Why should we settle for a measly twenty grand when we can keep the whole million?
The Dude: "This isn't a fucking game." Walter: "Oh, but it is."
Dude, are you fucking this up?
Nothing is fucked here, dude.
They're a bunch of fucking amateurs.
The beauty of this plan is its simplicity.
No, we can't do that, Dude. That fucks up the plan.
Sooner or later you're just going to have to face the fact that you're a goddamn moron.
Well, I guess we can close the file on that one.
We've been frantically trying to reach you, Dude.
The goddamn plane has crashed into the mountain!
I've got information...Certain shit has come to light...
She's got to feed the monkey.
That had not occurred to us, Dude.
That's what you pay me for.
My concern is—and I've got to check with my accountant—that this may bump me into a higher tax bracket.
By God, sir: I will not abide another toe.
They send us a toe and we're supposed to shit ourselves.
That's just the stress talking, Dude.
If you don't calm down, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
This affects all of us—our basic freedoms!
Enjoyin' my coffee.
Where is the money, Lebowski? We want the money, Lebowski!
We are sympathizing with you.
Okay, Dude. I can see you don't want to be cheered up here.
Sometimes you eat the bear. Sometimes, the bear, why, he eats you.
There's just one thing, Dude. Do you have to use so many cuss words?
Okay, Dude, have it your way.
I've got to tender my resignation or whatever.
If you would listen occasionally, you might learn something.
I'm telling you, I've got pretty definitive evidence.
This is a very complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins, lotta outs, lotta what-have-yous. Lotta strands to keep in my head, man. Lotta strands in Old Duder's head.
He's a good man. And thorough.
Our fucking troubles are over, Dude.
We're hoping it won't be necessary to call the police.
Son, this is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!
You see what happens, Larry?
I accept you apology. No, I just want to handle it by myself from now on.
You know, Walter, you're right. There is an unspoken message here. It's, "fuck you! Leave me the fuck alone!"
You're not dealing with morons, here.
There are a lot of facets to this. A lot of interested parties.
I dig the way you do business, man.
I know my rights, man.
I want a fucking lawyer, man.
I don't like your jerk off name. I don't like your jerk off face. I don't like your jerk off behavior. And, I don't like you, jerk off. Do I make myself clear?
This is a very complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins, lotta outs. Fortunately, I'm adhering to a pretty strict drug regimen to keep my mind, you know, limber.
Father's weakness is vanity. Hence, the slut.
My thinking about this case had become very uptight!
Easy, man. Relax, man. No physical harm intended.
Let me tell you something, I dig your work. Playing one side against the other, in bed with everyone.
Maybe you and me could pool our resources. Share information. As a professional courtesy.
As if we would ever dream of taking your bullshit money!
This is not a worthy fucking adversary.
It's bush league, psycho-out stuff. It's laughable. Ha ha!
Without a hostage, there is no ransom.
It's not fair!
Fair? Who's the fucking nihilist around here?
Donny: "Are these guys going to hurt us?" Walter: "No, Donny, these men are cowards."
We're ending this cheap.
We'll fucks you up, man. We takes the money!
Take it easy, man! Take the four dollars!
Just because we're bereaved doesn't make us saps!
Fuck it, man. Let's go bowling.
Strikes and gutters, ups and downs.
The Dude abides.

Of course, LebowskiFest began in Louisville. If you want a bumpersticker with one of these quotes, chances are you can find it at their shop.

The Lawyer Lebowski

© 2017 Ben Carter Law